Life Ain't So Bad.

Is it so surprising that depression in women is on the rise?



  Not really, considering all the airbrushed perfection we've got to compete with.





  Eyes that are perfectly "smokied" glare,



 noses without a blackhead or boogie flare,



 and flawless smiles are bared



from magazine racks in your local Walmart, all silently judging your outfit of jeans and a tiedye t-shirt.

 

We've been forced to raise our standards of beauty, and unfortunately, most of us don't meet the bar.



 
As I was pondering why my skin is not as perfect as Carrie Underwood's,



 and why my hair refuses to curl like Taylor Swift's,



 (why are country music singers always the prettiest?)

I decided that it was time for a change in perspective.  After a few adjustments to my bathroom mirrors...I became extremely grateful for my original reflection :)

Works every time.



What I Learned from The Learning Channel

There is a TV station that has been created to give all the weirdys out there hope. 

 It gives even the strangest of folks the comfort of knowing that they have a chance to be a star, no matter how insanely bizarre they may be. 

 This channel is known as TLC (short for "The Learning Channel"),

 and my theory is that it was designed to send the message that if you are truly odd, if you are borderline psycho, if you have an affinity for the uncommon, the unnatural, or the unorthodox...you belong on daytime television.



And I think I'm right.

As TLC has gained popularity, more and more eccentric people have decided it was time to share their quirks with the world.  It's absolutely fascinating.



In case you can't tell, I love watching TLC and the peculiar people who inhabit it.  And today as I was watching a commercial for its newest addition, My Strange Addiction,

 I had the most brilliant idea of my life.  An idea that would lead to endless riches, fame, and the biggest fan base the world has ever seen! 

So here it is (and no stealing it. Trust me, if you do, I'll know):

All that I have to do is marry a tiny man



and become strangely addicted

to hoarding

fantastic cakes,

 

filling my tiny house so full of pastries that

 There's no room for my nineteen kids and counting

(7 of which are toddler pageant queens).

 So Stacy and Clinton will pity me, and take me on a fantastic shopping trip til I am beatiful.

Then, some attractive tattoo artist will fall in love with me,

So I'll obviously pull a Jon Gosling and bail on the fam.

After which I can finally say yes to the dress

And discover the joys of a baby story,

even though I didn't know I was pregnant.

Then my tattooed husband and I can find big bliss

While we're on the run with my 3 sister wives.

You know it's foolproof.